zoloftzantac's word of the day

taken from "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce

Word of the day:

Word of the day archive

A

Accident, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.

Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

B

Bait, n. A preparation that renders the hook more palatable. The best kind is beauty.

Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

C

Childhood, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

Critic, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.

D

Debaucee, n. One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it.

Disobedience, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.

E

Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

F

Felon, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.

G

Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

H

Hospitality, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

I

Impartial, adj. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions.

J

Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

K

Koran, n. A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.

L

Lawyer, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

M

Magnificent, adj. Having a grandeur or splendor superior to that to which the spectator is accustomed, as the ears of an ass, to a rabbit, or the glory of a glowworm, to a maggot.

N

Neighbor, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

O

Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the Government from running amuck by hamstringing it.

P

Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Q

Quill, n. An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly wielded by an ass. This use of the quill is now obsolete, but its modern equivalent, the steel pen, is wielded by the same everlasting Presence.

R

Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.

S

Self-Esteem, n. An erroneous appraisement.

T

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

U

Ugliness, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.

V

Vanity, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

W

Wedding, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

X

Y

Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

Z

Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.